They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it hurts more in the daytime
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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