barbara walters just said penis...
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
