I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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