doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
