im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
