hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
