I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
