did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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