Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
