so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's shark week go big or go home
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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