Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
