Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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