I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
