dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
