I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
