Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Who died my cat blue again?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
