how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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