Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
