There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
