vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
