Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
