Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
