life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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