everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
