K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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