i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just googled if crying burns calories
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
