Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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