Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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