your room smells of hookers.
And success
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
