im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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