The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
