If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
