just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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