So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
