Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
