There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
