I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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