you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
