So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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