Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
