he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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