question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
