did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
