Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
