Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
