Please, let me fuck your mom
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
