Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
