Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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