This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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