Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
