I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
